Monday, January 17, 2011
"I'm innocent. You've got to believe I'm innocent." - Richard M. Nixon
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Sunday, January 16, 2011
"People should be judged not by their outward demeanor but by their works, for many in sheep's clothing do the work of wolves." - Laurentius Abstemius, 15th Century
The same thing seems to occur each time a young man tells his parents that he is gay. Having no one to turn to, the parents consult their rabbi. The rabbi, having very little experience in this area of pastoral counselling, listens to the parents and advises them to get in touch with JONAH. This ends a somewhat uncomfortable encounter for the parents and the rabbi. The parents leave the rabbi's study thinking that maybe their problem might be solved.
I recently visited my son. He introduced me to his friend Erez Harari, a doctoral candidate in clinical psychology. This young gentleman was invited to speak last June at the convention of the Association of Orthodox Jewish Scientists on a panel discussion centering on "reparative therapy." Unfortunately, all hell broke loose a week before the convention took place because a video was released on youtube by two young men who went for counselling at JONAH and were forced to undress by the so-called "therapist". As a result, the panel was cancelled and Mr. Harari was asked not to attend. At the last minute, under the sponsorship of Rabbi Tendler, the head of JONAH, was invited to speak. So what was to be an open panel discussion turned into a tendential, unscientific speech by the head of a pseudo-scientific organization.
It's time to "out" JONAH.
Be well.
Saul David
A joint investigation by the organization Truth Wins Out and the SouthFloridaGayNews.com has revealed that the spokesperson for a New Jersey based national religious group seeking to ‘cure’ homosexuals is a convicted felon who has been hiding his past.
The leader of JONAH, Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality, Arthur Abba Goldberg, is now also serving as President of his Jersey City temple. He was sent to federal prison 20 years ago for a conspiracy to defraud the United States of America.
Additionally, Goldberg is presently the Executive Secretary of NARTH- the National Association for the Research and Therapy of Homosexuality. The group hopes to heal “unwanted homosexuality” through “therapeutic care.”
One more group he supervises is PATH- Positive Alternatives to Homosexuality- a coalition of religious, ministerial, and ex-gay groups promoting “non-gay alternatives to homosexual lifestyles.” He is their President.
Goldberg, who reinvented himself in 2000 as the founder of JONAH, was found guilty in 1989 of numerous felonies in multiple jurisdictions. The charges ranged from federal mail and wire fraud to conspiracy counts as a result of a bogus bond writing scheme.
Goldberg was sentenced to eighteen months imprisonment in the Central District of California, which he served concurrently with a an Illinois sentence imposed at the same time. It was followed by five years of supervised probation and a $100,000 fine, eventually paid on November 24, 1999.
K. William O’Connor, the U.S. attorney who put him away, said at his sentencing that Goldberg was “a man who habitually took advantage of people who were economically dependent upon him; that he did not hesitate to lie or cheat or cover up to achieve his criminal aim. His greed has cause incalculable harm...”
Goldberg’s arrest and conviction rocked Wall Street when it went down two decades ago. A purported whiz kid and investment guru, he had been often referred to on the Street as “Abba Dabba Do” and “Abba Cadabra.”
Those names and that past were all secreted when Goldberg founded JONAH after getting out of prison. Abandoning the conspicuously identifiable middle name of ‘Abba’, Goldberg authored a book for Red Heifer Press under the name of ‘Arthur Goldberg.’
Titled “Light in the Closet: Torah, Homosexuality, and the Power to Change,” Goldberg re-created himself as an author and spiritual leader, purporting to help individuals struggling with their sexual identity, telling gays “you can change.” He certainly did.
“We have long considered Arthur Goldberg a con-artist, but our investigation shows he is also an ex-con,” said Wayne Besen, Executive Director of Truth Wins Out.
“His diabolical past mirrors his dishonest present-day work with JONAH. Whether it was shady deals on Wall Street or shading the truth on gay issues, Goldberg is someone who lacks credibility and can’t be trusted,” said Besen.
“The Torah is the Book of Truth,” Besen concluded, “and Goldberg has now delivered us a book of lies.”
Born in 1940, Arthur Abba Goldberg identified himself his entire life by using all three of his names, at least until he got out of prison and started JONAH.
The TWO and SFGN investigation into his past revealed that when he authored articles for the American University Eagle in 1961 as an undergraduate, his byline was ‘Arthur Abba Goldberg.’
When he received his bachelor’s degree from American University in 1962 and his law degree in 1965 from Cornell University, the diplomas were given to ‘Arthur Abba Goldberg.’
When he authored land use articles for the Urban Law Journal in the early 1970’s as a young lawyer it was under the name of ‘Arthur Abba Goldberg.’
It was also under the name ‘Arthur Abba Goldberg’ that he was admitted to the New Jersey and Connecticut Bar Associations, and it was under that name he served as the executive vice president directing Matthews & Wright, Inc., a New York underwriting firm, in which he was a major stockholder.
It was in the capacity as shareholder and vice president that Goldberg orchestrated a scheme of selling $2 billion in fraudulent municipal bonds for communities ranging from the impoverished city of East St. Louis to Chester, Pennsylvania, to the West Pacific U.S. territory of Guam.
The stories of his criminal acts were methodically detailed in the Philadelphia Inquirer, a paper based near the Chester community scammed severely by the fraud.
It was under the name of ‘Arthur Abba Goldberg’ that a United States grand jury on Guam indicted him in late 1987 on 52 counts of bribery, fraud, and conspiracy.
On September 26, 1989, ‘Arthur Abba Goldberg’ pled guilty in the U.S. District Court for the Central District of California to three counts of mail fraud. He was sentenced to 18 months as part of a plea bargain.
The trial had actually been moved to California because so many residents of Guam had been financially harmed by the bogus investment scheme it was thought a fair trial in that venue was impossible.
Goldberg and others also indicted at Matthews & Wright had knowingly conspired together to enter into a fraudulent scheme to sell fake bond issues but take commissions on them anyway. They arranged to bribe officials, deceive investors, and issue bogus checks to non existent parties.
In exchange for underwriting $300 million in bogus deals, Goldberg and his investment firm, Matthews & Wright, received a fee of $10.5 million. They created the impression these bonds would be used to help construct desperately needed single family housing in Guam and elsewhere.
Separately, Goldberg also pleaded guilty in the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Illinois to one count of conspiracy to defraud the United States in another falsified bond-writing scheme. In that matter, Goldberg participated in a conspiracy to ensure that the bonds were deemed prematurely to take advantage of a favorable tax law relating to transactions.
The 900 page presentence report prepared by prosecutors prior to his sentencing was scathing. It indicated that Goldberg’s conduct was “knowingly and willfully dishonest and fraudulent.”
K. William O’Connor described Goldberg as having engineered “a conspiratorial fraud of spectacular scope,” which purposefully duped “unsophisticated Pacific Islanders.” One witness against Goldberg said he treated the citizens of Guam as if “they were cannibals.”
O’Connor said that Goldberg’s deceitfulness crippled Guam’s economy, crushed investors, undermined public confidence in the bond industry, and cost the U.S. Treasury millions in lost taxes.
U.S. District Judge Jesse W. Curtis, Jr. then sentenced ‘Arthur Abba Goldberg’ to 18 months in prison, allowing both the Illinois and California sentences to run together. He imposed fines and restitution totaling $400,000, an amount later reduced by an appellate court.
In a separate civil proceeding, the Disciplinary Review Board of the New Jersey State Bar Association recommended taking away his law license. They found “Goldberg’s criminal convictions clearly and convincingly demonstrated his participation in activities that reflected adversely on his honesty, trustworthiness, and fitness as a lawyer.”
The New Jersey Supreme Court then disbarred Goldberg on November 9, 1995, citing his criminal convictions and his “reckless indifference to a conspiracy of considerable magnitude.”
New Jersey’s highest court even noted that “We are aware of respondent’s active involvement in community service and his efforts to resettle numerous immigrants from the former Soviet Union and Eastern Europe.” But, they concluded, “Goldberg’s conscious participation in the illegal activities leading to his criminal convictions outweighs these mitigating factors.”
In his capacity as the Director of JONAH, Goldberg formed and serves as a director of a tax exempt 501(c)(3) charitable corporation, whose website promises that it is “offering hope, compassion, direction and vitally needed information to gay strugglers, their families, friends, and surrounding community.” He formed the group using the name Arthur Goldberg, sans Abba, one month after getting his federal supervision of five years’ probation concluded.
In a 2001 interview not long after he began his religious crusade, Goldberg told the Herald News in Paterson, New Jersey, that homosexuality is the result of “psychological trauma.’ And that “six months to three years of weekly therapy and prayer can cure it.” He did not say anything about whether 18 months in a federal prison might also help.
Today, on the NARTH website, despite his conviction and disbarment, Goldberg proudly holds himself out as a ‘doctor of jurisprudence,’ displaying the title of ‘J.D.’ adjacent to his listing.
NARTH is one of the country’s most vocal critics of the American Psychological Association’s position paper concluding that homosexuality is normal, not aberrational. NARTH advocates the doctrine that homosexuality is a ‘developmental disorder’ and a ‘treatable condition.’
The ‘Jewish State’ is a central New Jersey newsweekly that Goldberg gave an interview to in 2007. He identified himself as a former deputy attorney general and Connecticut law professor, telling the reporter that “gays have been led astray in terms of your authenticity to yourself.” Meanwhile, he failed to disclose his criminal past.
“People are not born gay; there’s no such thing as a gay gene,” he added, complimenting that remark with the statement all gays “can readapt” from “their gender deficiency.” He then said homosexual children should be treated the same way as “if a child was addicted to drugs or alcohol.”
Goldberg is presently living conspicuously as the President of Congregation Mount Sinai in Jersey City. The temple offers itself out as a “welcoming environment for all people to express, deepen and rediscover their Jewish heritage.”
Last year, as a guest in the audience at the end of a Montel Williams show discussing ex-gays, he shouted from the audience at the host, interrupting the show, to say gays needed help. You can see it on You Tube.
“I’ve always been one to try to help the underdog,” he said.
But that is not what Judge Curtis concluded at Goldberg’s sentencing on September 26, 1989.
“I find,” the court stated, “that, Arthur Abba Goldberg, you have openly conspired against the United States by knowingly and recklessly engaging indifferently in a series of dishonest acts of considerable magnitude.”
I recently visited my son. He introduced me to his friend Erez Harari, a doctoral candidate in clinical psychology. This young gentleman was invited to speak last June at the convention of the Association of Orthodox Jewish Scientists on a panel discussion centering on "reparative therapy." Unfortunately, all hell broke loose a week before the convention took place because a video was released on youtube by two young men who went for counselling at JONAH and were forced to undress by the so-called "therapist". As a result, the panel was cancelled and Mr. Harari was asked not to attend. At the last minute, under the sponsorship of Rabbi Tendler, the head of JONAH, was invited to speak. So what was to be an open panel discussion turned into a tendential, unscientific speech by the head of a pseudo-scientific organization.
It's time to "out" JONAH.
Be well.
A joint investigation by the organization Truth Wins Out and the SouthFloridaGayNews.com has revealed that the spokesperson for a New Jersey based national religious group seeking to ‘cure’ homosexuals is a convicted felon who has been hiding his past.
The leader of JONAH, Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality, Arthur Abba Goldberg, is now also serving as President of his Jersey City temple. He was sent to federal prison 20 years ago for a conspiracy to defraud the United States of America.
Additionally, Goldberg is presently the Executive Secretary of NARTH- the National Association for the Research and Therapy of Homosexuality. The group hopes to heal “unwanted homosexuality” through “therapeutic care.”
One more group he supervises is PATH- Positive Alternatives to Homosexuality- a coalition of religious, ministerial, and ex-gay groups promoting “non-gay alternatives to homosexual lifestyles.” He is their President.
Goldberg, who reinvented himself in 2000 as the founder of JONAH, was found guilty in 1989 of numerous felonies in multiple jurisdictions. The charges ranged from federal mail and wire fraud to conspiracy counts as a result of a bogus bond writing scheme.
Goldberg was sentenced to eighteen months imprisonment in the Central District of California, which he served concurrently with a an Illinois sentence imposed at the same time. It was followed by five years of supervised probation and a $100,000 fine, eventually paid on November 24, 1999.
K. William O’Connor, the U.S. attorney who put him away, said at his sentencing that Goldberg was “a man who habitually took advantage of people who were economically dependent upon him; that he did not hesitate to lie or cheat or cover up to achieve his criminal aim. His greed has cause incalculable harm...”
Goldberg’s arrest and conviction rocked Wall Street when it went down two decades ago. A purported whiz kid and investment guru, he had been often referred to on the Street as “Abba Dabba Do” and “Abba Cadabra.”
Those names and that past were all secreted when Goldberg founded JONAH after getting out of prison. Abandoning the conspicuously identifiable middle name of ‘Abba’, Goldberg authored a book for Red Heifer Press under the name of ‘Arthur Goldberg.’
Titled “Light in the Closet: Torah, Homosexuality, and the Power to Change,” Goldberg re-created himself as an author and spiritual leader, purporting to help individuals struggling with their sexual identity, telling gays “you can change.” He certainly did.
“We have long considered Arthur Goldberg a con-artist, but our investigation shows he is also an ex-con,” said Wayne Besen, Executive Director of Truth Wins Out.
“His diabolical past mirrors his dishonest present-day work with JONAH. Whether it was shady deals on Wall Street or shading the truth on gay issues, Goldberg is someone who lacks credibility and can’t be trusted,” said Besen.
“The Torah is the Book of Truth,” Besen concluded, “and Goldberg has now delivered us a book of lies.”
Born in 1940, Arthur Abba Goldberg identified himself his entire life by using all three of his names, at least until he got out of prison and started JONAH.
The TWO and SFGN investigation into his past revealed that when he authored articles for the American University Eagle in 1961 as an undergraduate, his byline was ‘Arthur Abba Goldberg.’
When he received his bachelor’s degree from American University in 1962 and his law degree in 1965 from Cornell University, the diplomas were given to ‘Arthur Abba Goldberg.’
When he authored land use articles for the Urban Law Journal in the early 1970’s as a young lawyer it was under the name of ‘Arthur Abba Goldberg.’
It was also under the name ‘Arthur Abba Goldberg’ that he was admitted to the New Jersey and Connecticut Bar Associations, and it was under that name he served as the executive vice president directing Matthews & Wright, Inc., a New York underwriting firm, in which he was a major stockholder.
It was in the capacity as shareholder and vice president that Goldberg orchestrated a scheme of selling $2 billion in fraudulent municipal bonds for communities ranging from the impoverished city of East St. Louis to Chester, Pennsylvania, to the West Pacific U.S. territory of Guam.
The stories of his criminal acts were methodically detailed in the Philadelphia Inquirer, a paper based near the Chester community scammed severely by the fraud.
It was under the name of ‘Arthur Abba Goldberg’ that a United States grand jury on Guam indicted him in late 1987 on 52 counts of bribery, fraud, and conspiracy.
On September 26, 1989, ‘Arthur Abba Goldberg’ pled guilty in the U.S. District Court for the Central District of California to three counts of mail fraud. He was sentenced to 18 months as part of a plea bargain.
The trial had actually been moved to California because so many residents of Guam had been financially harmed by the bogus investment scheme it was thought a fair trial in that venue was impossible.
Goldberg and others also indicted at Matthews & Wright had knowingly conspired together to enter into a fraudulent scheme to sell fake bond issues but take commissions on them anyway. They arranged to bribe officials, deceive investors, and issue bogus checks to non existent parties.
In exchange for underwriting $300 million in bogus deals, Goldberg and his investment firm, Matthews & Wright, received a fee of $10.5 million. They created the impression these bonds would be used to help construct desperately needed single family housing in Guam and elsewhere.
Separately, Goldberg also pleaded guilty in the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Illinois to one count of conspiracy to defraud the United States in another falsified bond-writing scheme. In that matter, Goldberg participated in a conspiracy to ensure that the bonds were deemed prematurely to take advantage of a favorable tax law relating to transactions.
The 900 page presentence report prepared by prosecutors prior to his sentencing was scathing. It indicated that Goldberg’s conduct was “knowingly and willfully dishonest and fraudulent.”
K. William O’Connor described Goldberg as having engineered “a conspiratorial fraud of spectacular scope,” which purposefully duped “unsophisticated Pacific Islanders.” One witness against Goldberg said he treated the citizens of Guam as if “they were cannibals.”
O’Connor said that Goldberg’s deceitfulness crippled Guam’s economy, crushed investors, undermined public confidence in the bond industry, and cost the U.S. Treasury millions in lost taxes.
U.S. District Judge Jesse W. Curtis, Jr. then sentenced ‘Arthur Abba Goldberg’ to 18 months in prison, allowing both the Illinois and California sentences to run together. He imposed fines and restitution totaling $400,000, an amount later reduced by an appellate court.
In a separate civil proceeding, the Disciplinary Review Board of the New Jersey State Bar Association recommended taking away his law license. They found “Goldberg’s criminal convictions clearly and convincingly demonstrated his participation in activities that reflected adversely on his honesty, trustworthiness, and fitness as a lawyer.”
The New Jersey Supreme Court then disbarred Goldberg on November 9, 1995, citing his criminal convictions and his “reckless indifference to a conspiracy of considerable magnitude.”
New Jersey’s highest court even noted that “We are aware of respondent’s active involvement in community service and his efforts to resettle numerous immigrants from the former Soviet Union and Eastern Europe.” But, they concluded, “Goldberg’s conscious participation in the illegal activities leading to his criminal convictions outweighs these mitigating factors.”
In his capacity as the Director of JONAH, Goldberg formed and serves as a director of a tax exempt 501(c)(3) charitable corporation, whose website promises that it is “offering hope, compassion, direction and vitally needed information to gay strugglers, their families, friends, and surrounding community.” He formed the group using the name Arthur Goldberg, sans Abba, one month after getting his federal supervision of five years’ probation concluded.
In a 2001 interview not long after he began his religious crusade, Goldberg told the Herald News in Paterson, New Jersey, that homosexuality is the result of “psychological trauma.’ And that “six months to three years of weekly therapy and prayer can cure it.” He did not say anything about whether 18 months in a federal prison might also help.
Today, on the NARTH website, despite his conviction and disbarment, Goldberg proudly holds himself out as a ‘doctor of jurisprudence,’ displaying the title of ‘J.D.’ adjacent to his listing.
NARTH is one of the country’s most vocal critics of the American Psychological Association’s position paper concluding that homosexuality is normal, not aberrational. NARTH advocates the doctrine that homosexuality is a ‘developmental disorder’ and a ‘treatable condition.’
The ‘Jewish State’ is a central New Jersey newsweekly that Goldberg gave an interview to in 2007. He identified himself as a former deputy attorney general and Connecticut law professor, telling the reporter that “gays have been led astray in terms of your authenticity to yourself.” Meanwhile, he failed to disclose his criminal past.
“People are not born gay; there’s no such thing as a gay gene,” he added, complimenting that remark with the statement all gays “can readapt” from “their gender deficiency.” He then said homosexual children should be treated the same way as “if a child was addicted to drugs or alcohol.”
Goldberg is presently living conspicuously as the President of Congregation Mount Sinai in Jersey City. The temple offers itself out as a “welcoming environment for all people to express, deepen and rediscover their Jewish heritage.”
Last year, as a guest in the audience at the end of a Montel Williams show discussing ex-gays, he shouted from the audience at the host, interrupting the show, to say gays needed help. You can see it on You Tube.
“I’ve always been one to try to help the underdog,” he said.
But that is not what Judge Curtis concluded at Goldberg’s sentencing on September 26, 1989.
“I find,” the court stated, “that, Arthur Abba Goldberg, you have openly conspired against the United States by knowingly and recklessly engaging indifferently in a series of dishonest acts of considerable magnitude.”
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
"I am the mother of an orthodox gay young man."
I recently received the following letter from a mom. Please read her story. It's all too familiar.
But she has a great idea. Let me know your thoughts.
Be well.
Although in the beginning I felt I lived in an alternative universe, I have learned that my story is not unique. So I send you my story in the form of a letter as a way to connect to other mothers and fathers who are just beginning to navigate the uncharted land we religious parents of gay children inhabit.
I am the mother of an orthodox gay young man who came out to us a few years ago after many years of dealing on his own with the reality of his life. Needless to say, during the years when he was grappling with how he would lead his life while trying to keep it from us, even to protect us, our relationship with him was strained. There was a gulf between us, and while we didn’t suspect the reason for it, it disturbed us greatly. He never wanted to talk about dating, marriage or, in fact, anything that would give us any real information about his life. To every probing question we posed we got a vague response. We suspected that he was no longer religious, but we certainly never suspected he was gay.
Of course he sensed the strain in our relationship. He knew we were concerned about him. But while he wanted to tell us the truth, he worried about what would happen to our family. Could we and would we accept who he really was and embrace him fully?
Finally when the yom tov visits home became intolerable, he had to tell us.
So, on a beautiful, cloudless day that seemed to promise only happy things, he faced me and told me the real reason he had distanced himself from us. It was not a question of observance, but that he was gay. I remember looking at him in shock, not quite sure what I had heard. I was devastated. In that one moment, standing in the sunshine, my world shifted. Any expectation I had ever had for him as a husband and father was shattered. Any notion of who is gay or what kind of family that person would come from was obliterated from my mind. I was shaken and afraid, frightened for my son and what the world held for him, of course, but also frightened because I knew our lives would never be the same. I remember thinking, “How did this happen? How will I ever breathe again?” I certainly didn’t think I would ever stop crying. Sleep evaded me for weeks. No one I knew could relate to this. There was no template for behavior or response in my community for such a revelation. Yet, I loved him, and I knew that whatever the cost to our communal life, or the disconnect we might feel religiously, he was our son, and we would find a way to live with this.
Uncomfortable as we were, we were suddenly talking about all kinds of things. That wall of secrecy was down, and there was a mature adult talking openly about his life. Within a short time, my son told his siblings and they began the work of processing this new information and accepting him. But as good as their acceptance was in forging a more meaningful relationship with him and as happy as we were with the new communication that had opened up among us all, these things didn’t bring relief from the anxiety we faced each day when we would waken yet again to our new reality. And although my son insisted that there are many religious gay people in his world and although he remained observant, the Orthodox world we inhabit was not ready to deal with this openly. We knew no one in the same situation. There was no one we could share this with. And there was grief, a grief we would have to muddle through on our own without the comfort of community. We mourned the expectations and hopes we had to give up; we mourned the loss of our son’s expectations and the years he spent keeping this all to himself, and we dreaded the veil of secrecy that now surrounded our lives.
During the first weeks after my son came out, we read a great deal about homosexuality and Jewish attitudes towards it. It was not encouraging. We spoke to our rabbi who listened with sympathy and without judgment, but offered little help. We had long conversations with our kids, but there was no one else we could confide in. Often, I would start crying while in the middle of some task. I tortured myself with questions, possibilities. What would I do if someone found out? Now that I knew, how should I respond if someone asked me about him? What happens if he gets involved in a long term relationship? How can I live with this?
Yet from the very beginning, a great help in our struggle was the information my son gave us just a few days after he came out. He told us to look at a blog written by an orthodox parent of a gay son. We read the Kirtzono blog from beginning to end that same night, and a new world opened to us. Sad and bereft as we were, we saw we were not completely alone. There was at least one other family facing the challenges that now shaped our lives. Through the blog we connected with Saul David and after several emails, he put us in touch with another family who had recently learned their son was gay. This direct contact allowed us to start a meaningful conversation with each other. Their son had come out to them several months before so they were that much farther ahead in the coping process and could assure me that all the things I felt were normal and that despite the deep sorrow we felt, a day really would come when I would think about other things and be able to talk to my son about ordinary topics, when I wouldn’t cry in the supermarket line or feel desolate as I stood in shul on Shabbat, isolated and mute among my friends.
The knowledge that there are other people with the same issues has made an enormous difference in our lives. Years later we are still writing to one another. We cannot solve each other’s problems, yet we appreciate the emotional roller coaster of each other’s lives. She understands how my love for my son and my pride in the man he has become trumps all my previous notions. She knows the struggles he has faced and understands the courage he shows each day. Most importantly, I know she will get it when I say there are times when the sorrow comes flooding back again after months of coping if someone casually asks if he’s dating anyone or can they fix him up with this really great girl.
Thus, I make a modest proposal that this blog serve as a way for parents to make contact with one another, to establish a buddy system so that no parent feels s/he is alone following the disclosure that a child is gay. Perhaps we can develop a pairing of parents, so to speak, who are willing to communicate with one another. The questions, the problems, the comforts of a shared experience are ours to offer to one another in a context of sensitivity, religious commitment, empathy and concern for our children. We need to be supportive of our children, but we too need support and comfort. This can be done with a therapist of course, and that is a good option for many parents and family members. But less intense help can also come from another parent who has been in our shoes. Perhaps there are parents who are willing to write or speak to someone just beginning the road to acceptance and understanding. And perhaps parents who feel they would benefit from this kind of anonymous and discreet contact can write into the blog and find that other family who is willing to show them support and help them deal with the challenge of living with the knowledge that they have a gay child.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
“If the father drops the kid and the kid gets brain damage, at least he’ll be straight. Small price to pay.” - Dr. Joseph Nicolosi
NARTH, an acronym for National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality, was founded in 1992, in response to the delisting of homosexuality as a mental disorder by the American Psychiatric Association in 1973. One of its founders and the current preisdent is Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, a graduate of the California School of Psychology in dowtown Los Angeles. The express goal of the organization is to prevent children from becoming gay or to return gays to heterosexuality through reparative therapy.
There are several reasons for this particular exposure. Firstly, the "Statement" spends an inordinate amount of words discussing "reparative therapy". Secondly, Rabbi Freundel discussed "reparative therapy" at the panel. Third, the person who spoke up at the panel was Dr. Joseph Berger, a psychiatrist and board member of NARTH.
In light of the tragic suicides over the last few months by young gay men and women who were bullied I would like to submit two written pieces to ponder. The first is an article published by OU in response to bullying. The second is a comment made by Berger on the NARTH website in 2006 and which was later removed.
Op-Ed: There’s no place for bullying in God’s world
Rabbi Steven Burg
This article first appeared October 17 in JTA
I was saddened to hear of the death of Tyler Clementi, an 18-year-old college student driven to suicide by bullying over his sexual orientation. While Clementi’s case has grabbed national headlines, it sadly is far from unique.
Last September alone, no fewer than six boys in the United States committed suicide as a response to bullying they suffered over their sexual identities. Several of the victims were as young as 13 years old.
Bullying is nothing new, but modern technology has caused it to explode in new and dangerous ways. In Clementi’s case, intimate moments were webcast. Other teens are humiliated routinely via social networks. It takes no effort whatsoever to send a tweet, post a video or write on a virtual wall.
In the old days, bullies could usually only harass their intended victims live and in person. Nowadays a teen can be abused and publicly denigrated remotely and often anonymously.
Such cases are not limited to boys; nor are they limited to situations pertaining to the victims’ sexuality. Three girls are awaiting trial in Massachusetts for their role in harassing a classmate to the point of suicide. Even when situations do not reach the point of suicide as a perceived means of escape, bullying lowers self-esteem and leads to depression and anxiety.
It is unacceptable to harass or bully anyone for any reason. It makes no difference what a person’s race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation or country of origin happens to be. A person’s income or social status is immaterial. We are all created in the image of God, and the Torah demands that we extend common courtesy to one another.
Our responsibility goes even further in the case of the downtrodden and oppressed, insisting that we guard ourselves very carefully so as not to add to their troubles through our words and actions. (Causing pain to a widow, an orphan or a convert are particularly heinous acts under Torah law.)
Rabbi Akiva famously said in Leviticus 19:18 that the primary principle of the Torah is “love your neighbor as yourself.” However, the Sifra (a book of the Midrash) immediately follows that statement with what it considers to be an even more important principle: The sage Ben Azzai cites in Genesis 5:1, “This is the book of the generations of Adam.” The verse means that we all are descended from the same ancestors, Adam and Eve.
As important as the verse cited by Rabbi Akiva is, it’s too easy for us to justify hating others because they are not our “neighbor"; that is, they are not like us. Ben Azzai’s verse reminds us that black or white, rich or poor, straight or gay, Jewish, Christian or Muslim, we ultimately are one family -- the family of mankind.
Hate and fear of that which is different is not something with which we are born; it is something acquired. (song “You’ve Got to Be Taught,” the beautiful Rodgers and Hammerstein in "South Pacific," sends out that message.) Accordingly, I implore all parents, teachers and other role models to actively encourage an environment of tolerance.
This doesn’t mean that we have to agree with every decision that others may make in life. We may disagree with others’ theologies or lifestyles. But disagreement is not a license to abuse others. A child, a teen or an adult who harasses another person, verbally or physically, is automatically in the wrong.
At NCSY, we have adopted strict policies against acts of malice and aggression. All of our regions across North America are being instructed to have sessions on bullying. The Midwest Region, based in Chicago, already has announced a bullying program at its Fall Regional in Kansas City next weekend.
Unwelcome attention and a hostile environment are unacceptable regardless of the source. We all have the right to live free of intimidation. If we have legitimate differences of opinion with another person regarding religion, politics or other areas in which debate may be valid, that calls for thoughtful discussion and mutual respect.
I call upon parents, educators, clergy and all others who work with youth to join us in a zero-tolerance policy for bullying in all its forms, including cyberbullying. Not only will this save young lives from being needlessly thrown away, it will ensure a safer and healthier environment for all our children.
(Rabbi Steven Burg is the international director of NCSY, the national Jewish youth program of the Orthodox Union.)
Here is the link for this article.....
http://www.ou.org/shabbat_shalom/article/75871
And this is what Dr. Joseph Berger has to say about bullying......
"I suggest, indeed, letting children who wish go to school in clothes of the opposite sex -- but not counseling other children to not tease them or hurt their feelings.
On the contrary, don't interfere, and let the other children ridicule the child who has lost that clear boundary between play-acting at home and the reality needs of the outside world. Maybe, in this way, the child will re-establish that necessary boundary."
Enough said.
Be well.
Saul David
There are several reasons for this particular exposure. Firstly, the "Statement" spends an inordinate amount of words discussing "reparative therapy". Secondly, Rabbi Freundel discussed "reparative therapy" at the panel. Third, the person who spoke up at the panel was Dr. Joseph Berger, a psychiatrist and board member of NARTH.
In light of the tragic suicides over the last few months by young gay men and women who were bullied I would like to submit two written pieces to ponder. The first is an article published by OU in response to bullying. The second is a comment made by Berger on the NARTH website in 2006 and which was later removed.
Op-Ed: There’s no place for bullying in God’s world
Rabbi Steven Burg
This article first appeared October 17 in JTA
I was saddened to hear of the death of Tyler Clementi, an 18-year-old college student driven to suicide by bullying over his sexual orientation. While Clementi’s case has grabbed national headlines, it sadly is far from unique.
Last September alone, no fewer than six boys in the United States committed suicide as a response to bullying they suffered over their sexual identities. Several of the victims were as young as 13 years old.
Bullying is nothing new, but modern technology has caused it to explode in new and dangerous ways. In Clementi’s case, intimate moments were webcast. Other teens are humiliated routinely via social networks. It takes no effort whatsoever to send a tweet, post a video or write on a virtual wall.
In the old days, bullies could usually only harass their intended victims live and in person. Nowadays a teen can be abused and publicly denigrated remotely and often anonymously.
Such cases are not limited to boys; nor are they limited to situations pertaining to the victims’ sexuality. Three girls are awaiting trial in Massachusetts for their role in harassing a classmate to the point of suicide. Even when situations do not reach the point of suicide as a perceived means of escape, bullying lowers self-esteem and leads to depression and anxiety.
It is unacceptable to harass or bully anyone for any reason. It makes no difference what a person’s race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation or country of origin happens to be. A person’s income or social status is immaterial. We are all created in the image of God, and the Torah demands that we extend common courtesy to one another.
Our responsibility goes even further in the case of the downtrodden and oppressed, insisting that we guard ourselves very carefully so as not to add to their troubles through our words and actions. (Causing pain to a widow, an orphan or a convert are particularly heinous acts under Torah law.)
Rabbi Akiva famously said in Leviticus 19:18 that the primary principle of the Torah is “love your neighbor as yourself.” However, the Sifra (a book of the Midrash) immediately follows that statement with what it considers to be an even more important principle: The sage Ben Azzai cites in Genesis 5:1, “This is the book of the generations of Adam.” The verse means that we all are descended from the same ancestors, Adam and Eve.
As important as the verse cited by Rabbi Akiva is, it’s too easy for us to justify hating others because they are not our “neighbor"; that is, they are not like us. Ben Azzai’s verse reminds us that black or white, rich or poor, straight or gay, Jewish, Christian or Muslim, we ultimately are one family -- the family of mankind.
Hate and fear of that which is different is not something with which we are born; it is something acquired. (song “You’ve Got to Be Taught,” the beautiful Rodgers and Hammerstein in "South Pacific," sends out that message.) Accordingly, I implore all parents, teachers and other role models to actively encourage an environment of tolerance.
This doesn’t mean that we have to agree with every decision that others may make in life. We may disagree with others’ theologies or lifestyles. But disagreement is not a license to abuse others. A child, a teen or an adult who harasses another person, verbally or physically, is automatically in the wrong.
At NCSY, we have adopted strict policies against acts of malice and aggression. All of our regions across North America are being instructed to have sessions on bullying. The Midwest Region, based in Chicago, already has announced a bullying program at its Fall Regional in Kansas City next weekend.
Unwelcome attention and a hostile environment are unacceptable regardless of the source. We all have the right to live free of intimidation. If we have legitimate differences of opinion with another person regarding religion, politics or other areas in which debate may be valid, that calls for thoughtful discussion and mutual respect.
I call upon parents, educators, clergy and all others who work with youth to join us in a zero-tolerance policy for bullying in all its forms, including cyberbullying. Not only will this save young lives from being needlessly thrown away, it will ensure a safer and healthier environment for all our children.
(Rabbi Steven Burg is the international director of NCSY, the national Jewish youth program of the Orthodox Union.)
Here is the link for this article.....
http://www.ou.org/shabbat_
And this is what Dr. Joseph Berger has to say about bullying......
"I suggest, indeed, letting children who wish go to school in clothes of the opposite sex -- but not counseling other children to not tease them or hurt their feelings.
On the contrary, don't interfere, and let the other children ridicule the child who has lost that clear boundary between play-acting at home and the reality needs of the outside world. Maybe, in this way, the child will re-establish that necessary boundary."
Enough said.
Be well.
Saul David
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
"A desire for lobster dinner is not a violation of kashrus laws, only the dinner is. The same is true with homosexuality."
The other day, after Rabbis Helfgot and Freundel spoke, my wife and I sat with Rabbi Freundel over lunch. In a friendly manner, we continued our discussion. At one point, Rabbi Freundel stated that he would like to see a study done about the failure of reparative therapy.
Not a study done about the success of reparative therapy, but the failure of reparative therapy. He said that everyone is claiming that reparative therapy doesn't work, but he would like to see a scientific study conducted to prove it doesn't work. He then went on to say that if in fact reparative therapy was unsuccessful, maybe it was not the fault of the therapy, but due to some other factor weighing on the subject's psyche.
I answered by saying that I don't need scientific proof. My proof is in the large amount of young men who have told me that they have gone through reparative therapy, only to fail at it, sometimes leading them to the point of suicide.
I quietly vowed to myself that I would find the information that Rabbi Fruendel was searching for. I will post my findings over the next few days.
Here is the first one...................
But stay tuned......
There's more on the way.
SD
ABC NewsBut stay tuned......
There's more on the way.
SD
The Toughest Call: Conversion Therapy
Jennifer Lee Had a Tough Choice to Make When She Found Out Her Husband Is Gay
By ALISON LYNN and MAGGIE BURBANK
Sept. 22, 2007 —
Jennifer Lee thought she'd found the man of her dreams when she met Steve Lee. He was handsome, sensitive and most of all funny.
They quickly fell in love and after Jennifer converted to Mormonism, they married. After a few years, they welcomed a son. Despite their seemingly happy, secure relationship, Steve was hiding a secret, one he'd had since he was 19 years old.
Jennifer was devastated when her husband told her he is gay.
She was suddenly faced with the toughest call she could imagine: should she stay with her husband who has just come out to her or should she leave him? Although the news shocked and upset her, Jennifer decided something could be done.
"I started to convince myself it didn't have to be," Jennifer said, "and I started to convince him it didn't have to be and he agreed."
Steve, a devout Mormon, feared God would not accept him if he were gay. The couple met with their bishop who urged Steve to rid himself of his homosexuality by going through conversion therapy, a controversial program intended to eliminate homosexual feelings. Steve felt he had no choice.
"I wanted to be accepted by God," he said. "I wanted to be loved. That was everything to me. And so I saw no other route."
So every week Steve joined other Mormon men for group therapy. Most conversion therapy involves different forms of behavior modification, attempting to make people straight by having them act straight. Some programs even teach men about stereotypically "male" activities, such as talking about football and changing motor oil. Steve did not find that his experience with conversion therapy was at all therapeutic.
"I would definitely call it brainwashing," he said. "It was an exercise in humiliation."
There is much skepticism surrounding conversion therapy and whether it's even possible to reverse someone's sexual orientation. Most professional health organizations reject the theories behind conversion therapy, and many have even deemed it a potentially harmful "treatment."
Jack Drescher is a psychiatrist in New York and warns that not only is conversion therapy unlikely to work, it can be very dangerous.
"Patients feel more depressed and anxious when the treatment doesn't work," Drescher said. "They blame themselves. Some people became suicidal."
Are Conversions Successful?
The largest faith-based conversion therapy program in the country is Love in Action, which is located in Memphis, Tenn. Eight years ago "20/20" was invited to meet nine participants in the program who were attempting to purge themselves of what they called "homosexual behaviors."
James Serra, one of those men, says he is one of the program's success stories. Serra stayed in the program for three years, and today he's a counselor at Love in Action.
When asked whether he was a gay man or a straight man, Serra answered, "I'm a man, period. And the way I see it, it's a behavior. Homosexual, heterosexual is a behavior."
While Serra admits he is still attracted to men, he emphasizes that he has not acted on those feelings in eight years. Even though he has yet to have a relationship with a woman, he hopes that one day he will get married and have children.
Wade Richards was Serra's roommate when "20/20" visited Love in Action. As a devout Christian, Richards says he was faced with the difficult call of whether to accept his attraction to men or try to change. Despite the time he spent in conversion therapy, he now lives his life as a gay man.
"I believe that a loving God would not have someone go through such a struggle," said Richards.
Big Bucks on Sexuality Conversion
The faith-based movement to convert people's sexuality is a lucrative industry. Last spring the conservative Christian organization Focus on the Family hosted a conference called "Love Won Out" at a megachurch in Nebraska. Parents were encouraged to bring their children to the conference so they could learn the church's take on homosexuality.
In addition to the $60 entrance fee, attendees could purchase books and videos, including a book by John Paulk, former chairman of Exodus International, a network with more than 11,000 affiliated ministries. Claiming to be "ex-gay" for more than a decade and happily married to a woman, Paulk was considered a poster child for conversion therapy.
Then in 2001, "20/20" reported that Paulk was photographed coming out of a gay bar in Washington, D.C. He is still married, but stepped down from Exodus. His book about his own conversion from homosexuality is still being sold.
Like many of the attendees at the "Love Won Out" conference, Steve and Jennifer had hoped that conversion therapy would be effective. After Steve went through a Mormon therapy program, Jennifer made the tough call to stay in the marriage. They subsequently had two more children, but all along, Steve felt painfully trapped.
"There wasn't a 15-minute segment of any day that went by that I did not feel terrible inside my head," Steve said.
After 16 years of marriage, Steve admitted to Jennifer that he had been having a long-term affair with another married man. The couple has now been divorced for four years, and Jennifer has written a book called "My Ex Is Having Sex With Rex."
Jennifer says, in retrospect, one of her biggest regrets in life was to believe that her husband's sexuality could be changed by conversion therapy. She wishes churches would embrace anyone and everyone, but doubts that will ever be a reality.
"In a utopian world, the churches would open their arms and accept everybody in the world for who they are," she said, "but I don't believe that's going to happen."
Copyright © 2007 ABC News Internet Ventures
Sunday, November 14, 2010
"Don't ask, don't tell."
A few months ago, I was asked if my son and I would be willing to sit on a panel to discuss the "Statement of Principles..."
At first both of us agreed, but after some discussion over the Chagim, we concluded that perhaps it would not be a good idea to sit on a panel in our own city. We questioned whether any good would come of it or would people attend just to see the gay guy and his father. So we politely declined.
The panel discussion was held today. On the panel was Rabbi Nathaniel Helfgot, the driving force behind the Statement, and Rabbi Barry Freundel, who wrote "Homosexuality and Judaism" in the Journal of Halakha and Contemporary Society in 1986.
Rabbi Helfgot opened the discussion with a narrative of how The Statement came to fruition, how it began as a response to the YU symposium held last December and how it took six months for it to be published after it was vetted by a large amount of Rabbis, health professionals, halakhists, jurists. He explained that some people who were involved in the development of The Statement were unable to lend their name to it for political or social reasons.
Rabbi Freundel followed with a discussion that began with his claim that just about everything that was covered in The Statement has been previously been published either by him in 1986 or in subsequent essays over the years by the Rabbinical Council of America (RCA). He told us that his essay, "Homosexuality and Judaism" was used by the Pentagon during the Clinton administration to formulate its policy of "Don't ask, don't tell." He said that he would have no problem if a gay person had an aliyah in his shul, so long as he did not openly announce his homosexuality. He likened homosexuality to kashruth and shabbat observance and made a comparison to circumcisions which were frowned upon during Hellenistic times. He also claimed that in jurisdictions where gay marriage is legal, there is less of an issue.
After the speakers completed their talks, the floor was opened to questions. The first person to speak was asked to come up to the mike by Rabbi Freundel. This man, who claimed to be a psycho-therapist, claimed that he has cured numerous young men through reparative therapy. The next person to speak was the head of Mizrachi, an eighty-something man who said that something had to be done to stop gay people from influencing young people to become gay.
Prior to walking into this discussion, my wife and some friends had "advised" me not to speak. After these two people finished their so-called questions, I asked to speak. I stated that I did not have a question but I wanted to comment on some of the points which were raised.
I began by reminding the audience and the panelists that The Statement was a direct result of the symposium which was held at YU last December. I reminded them that the title of the symposium was "On Being Gay in the Modern Orthodox World" and as such they have to bear in mind that these young men want to be part of the Orthodox world. I made 4 points........
1. Legalized gay marriage is not an issue to these young men. They are not interested in a civil marriage just as heterosexual men and women who are modern Othrodox don't run off to Las Vegas for a civil marriage.
2. I stated that kashruth is a choice, Shabbat is a choice, milah is a choice but sexuality is not a choice.
3. In terms of reparative therapy, I stated that I have first hand knowledge of young men who have tried reparative therapy and instead of becoming a heterosexual had tried suicide. I commented that any life lost as a result of reparative therapy is one life too many.
4. Finally, my response to the head of Mizrachi was that these young men who want a place in the Modern Orthodox world are not cast members of Glee. Their goal is not to convert little boys to homosexuality.
I must say, this was an emotionally trying day. After the panel discussion, we broke for lunch and we sat with Rabbi Freundel during lunch. We had an open and frank discussion out of the public eye. I would much rather have a discussion with someone like Rabbi Freundel, who represents the establishment and who is clear and articulate in his opinion, than the rabbi of the shul where I used to attend, who signed The Statement but refused my son as an eyd.
Prior to today's panel discussion I spent the last two days with Rabbi Helfgot because he was a scholar in residence at my shul. We had lots of opportunity to discuss the symposium, the statement and my son's role in the Jewish community.
As the day drew to a close, the organizer came to me and said that it was a good idea that my son and I were not the main panelists in light of what came from the audience.
L'chaim Mr. Clinton.
Be well.
SD
At first both of us agreed, but after some discussion over the Chagim, we concluded that perhaps it would not be a good idea to sit on a panel in our own city. We questioned whether any good would come of it or would people attend just to see the gay guy and his father. So we politely declined.
The panel discussion was held today. On the panel was Rabbi Nathaniel Helfgot, the driving force behind the Statement, and Rabbi Barry Freundel, who wrote "Homosexuality and Judaism" in the Journal of Halakha and Contemporary Society in 1986.
Rabbi Helfgot opened the discussion with a narrative of how The Statement came to fruition, how it began as a response to the YU symposium held last December and how it took six months for it to be published after it was vetted by a large amount of Rabbis, health professionals, halakhists, jurists. He explained that some people who were involved in the development of The Statement were unable to lend their name to it for political or social reasons.
Rabbi Freundel followed with a discussion that began with his claim that just about everything that was covered in The Statement has been previously been published either by him in 1986 or in subsequent essays over the years by the Rabbinical Council of America (RCA). He told us that his essay, "Homosexuality and Judaism" was used by the Pentagon during the Clinton administration to formulate its policy of "Don't ask, don't tell." He said that he would have no problem if a gay person had an aliyah in his shul, so long as he did not openly announce his homosexuality. He likened homosexuality to kashruth and shabbat observance and made a comparison to circumcisions which were frowned upon during Hellenistic times. He also claimed that in jurisdictions where gay marriage is legal, there is less of an issue.
After the speakers completed their talks, the floor was opened to questions. The first person to speak was asked to come up to the mike by Rabbi Freundel. This man, who claimed to be a psycho-therapist, claimed that he has cured numerous young men through reparative therapy. The next person to speak was the head of Mizrachi, an eighty-something man who said that something had to be done to stop gay people from influencing young people to become gay.
Prior to walking into this discussion, my wife and some friends had "advised" me not to speak. After these two people finished their so-called questions, I asked to speak. I stated that I did not have a question but I wanted to comment on some of the points which were raised.
I began by reminding the audience and the panelists that The Statement was a direct result of the symposium which was held at YU last December. I reminded them that the title of the symposium was "On Being Gay in the Modern Orthodox World" and as such they have to bear in mind that these young men want to be part of the Orthodox world. I made 4 points........
1. Legalized gay marriage is not an issue to these young men. They are not interested in a civil marriage just as heterosexual men and women who are modern Othrodox don't run off to Las Vegas for a civil marriage.
2. I stated that kashruth is a choice, Shabbat is a choice, milah is a choice but sexuality is not a choice.
3. In terms of reparative therapy, I stated that I have first hand knowledge of young men who have tried reparative therapy and instead of becoming a heterosexual had tried suicide. I commented that any life lost as a result of reparative therapy is one life too many.
4. Finally, my response to the head of Mizrachi was that these young men who want a place in the Modern Orthodox world are not cast members of Glee. Their goal is not to convert little boys to homosexuality.
I must say, this was an emotionally trying day. After the panel discussion, we broke for lunch and we sat with Rabbi Freundel during lunch. We had an open and frank discussion out of the public eye. I would much rather have a discussion with someone like Rabbi Freundel, who represents the establishment and who is clear and articulate in his opinion, than the rabbi of the shul where I used to attend, who signed The Statement but refused my son as an eyd.
Prior to today's panel discussion I spent the last two days with Rabbi Helfgot because he was a scholar in residence at my shul. We had lots of opportunity to discuss the symposium, the statement and my son's role in the Jewish community.
As the day drew to a close, the organizer came to me and said that it was a good idea that my son and I were not the main panelists in light of what came from the audience.
L'chaim Mr. Clinton.
Be well.
SD
Thursday, October 21, 2010
"The thing was very bad in Abraham's eyes." - Parashat Va-yera
It has been three years since I began this blog.
Over the last few weeks, we have been following the narrative in the Torah of Avraham, the"father" of the Jewish people. On a strictly literal level he made some pretty serious errors that resulted in a change to his family.
Picture this..................
Abraham and his wife are on a vacation, the king takes one look at Abraham's wife, and Abraham is out the door. "Her? Na, she's my sister. No problem. I'll just pick her up in the morning."
or, even better ...........
Wordlessly, Abraham sends Hagar and Ishmael away. They find themselves stranded in the wilderness without water. Hagar tosses her son under a bush, because she cannot stand to see his death. Blinded by tears, she does not see a water source, until a messenger of God tells her to lift her eyes, and look. And this seeing closes the story, with Ishmael's life saved and his destiny assured.
And look at how that has turned out for us!
Even Avraham, the father of the Jewish people, had to adjust to the changes that affected his family.
It's been three years since I wrote "A family changed forever." Last night, I met with a couple whose son told them that he is gay. Their rabbi directed them to this blog and as a result of a business trip that brought me to their city, we were able to meet. We spent several hours together.
They are, where we were, three years ago.
This meeting has given me the opportunity to reflect on the last three years and where we are today.
As usual, a meeting like this is highly emotional and wrought with tears. We met in the evening, spent over two hours together, and as usual, I could not get to sleep, having relived the last few years. The sleep I managed to get lasted barely two hours as our discussion kept me from getting a restful sleep.
It's time to do a "cheshbon".
We are in a much better place today than three years ago. My son is doing well. He is actively pursuing his career as well as being a leading advocate for gay rights in the Modern Orthodox world. Our other children are doing fine as well. They are also actively pursuing their careers and moving on with their lives. We have tried to find as many opportunities as we could to bring everyone together as a family and I think we have succeeded at that. We make sure to spend every Pesach and Rosh Hashana together as a family.
Last month our kids made us a 36th wedding anniversary party. They invited friends and family who have been there for us over the years.
It was more than an anniversary party. They were making a statement.
They were exclaiming to the world in a clear and loud voice that we are doing just fine.
Be well.
Saul David
Over the last few weeks, we have been following the narrative in the Torah of Avraham, the"father" of the Jewish people. On a strictly literal level he made some pretty serious errors that resulted in a change to his family.
Picture this..................
Abraham and his wife are on a vacation, the king takes one look at Abraham's wife, and Abraham is out the door. "Her? Na, she's my sister. No problem. I'll just pick her up in the morning."
or, even better ...........
Wordlessly, Abraham sends Hagar and Ishmael away. They find themselves stranded in the wilderness without water. Hagar tosses her son under a bush, because she cannot stand to see his death. Blinded by tears, she does not see a water source, until a messenger of God tells her to lift her eyes, and look. And this seeing closes the story, with Ishmael's life saved and his destiny assured.
And look at how that has turned out for us!
Even Avraham, the father of the Jewish people, had to adjust to the changes that affected his family.
It's been three years since I wrote "A family changed forever." Last night, I met with a couple whose son told them that he is gay. Their rabbi directed them to this blog and as a result of a business trip that brought me to their city, we were able to meet. We spent several hours together.
They are, where we were, three years ago.
This meeting has given me the opportunity to reflect on the last three years and where we are today.
As usual, a meeting like this is highly emotional and wrought with tears. We met in the evening, spent over two hours together, and as usual, I could not get to sleep, having relived the last few years. The sleep I managed to get lasted barely two hours as our discussion kept me from getting a restful sleep.
It's time to do a "cheshbon".
We are in a much better place today than three years ago. My son is doing well. He is actively pursuing his career as well as being a leading advocate for gay rights in the Modern Orthodox world. Our other children are doing fine as well. They are also actively pursuing their careers and moving on with their lives. We have tried to find as many opportunities as we could to bring everyone together as a family and I think we have succeeded at that. We make sure to spend every Pesach and Rosh Hashana together as a family.
Last month our kids made us a 36th wedding anniversary party. They invited friends and family who have been there for us over the years.
It was more than an anniversary party. They were making a statement.
They were exclaiming to the world in a clear and loud voice that we are doing just fine.
Be well.
Saul David
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