Wednesday, July 28, 2010

"A camel is a horse designed by committee." Vogue Magazine, July 1958

Once again, I must commend those rabbis and health professionals who signed the Statement of Principles on the Place of Jews with a Homosexual Orientation in Our Community.



I do not want to minimize the risk they have taken by signing this document. I want to wish them Hakarat HaTov for all their efforts.



However I do have problems with various aspects of the Statement. I mentioned these problems in my previous postings and I will repeat them again, hopefully for the last time.



I have a problem with the fact that it took six months after the symposium to issue this Statement, while those opposed to the symposium issued their attacks within days.



And I have a problem with some of the content, as you can read on my previous posting.



I fully recognize that this was a group effort and as such, it took so long to produce and to reach a consensus. It was, like the proverbial camel, a Statement designed by committee.



But I am just a committee of one, so I have taken up the task of offering a revised statement, written by a parent of a child who is gay. I have a vested interest and I am probably much closer to the issue than any of the signatories may care to admit.



This is a serious effort on my part and I am writing this with no malice intended. I have used some parts of the Statement because the authors have expressed themselves so much better than I could have.



You be the judge..................



1. All human beings are created in the image of God and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect (kevod haberiyot). Every Jew is obligated to fulfill the entire range of mitzvot between person and person in relation to persons who are homosexual or have feelings of same sex attraction. Embarassing, harassing or demeaning someone with a homosexual orientation or same-sex attraction is a violation of Torah prohibitions that embody the deepest values of Judaism.



2. We accept the decision of the American Psychiatric Association in its declassification of homosexuality as a mental disorder. Therefore we concur that homosexuality cannot be treated and cured.



3. We categorically reject any efforts by any organization claiming to have the ability to change a person from a homosexual to a heterosexual, especially since these so-called therapies have not been proven to be effective in the least and may have been the cause of suicides at most. Any loss of life as a result of these efforts is one life too many to sacrifice.



4. We recognize that since Creation, man has always desired a mate, and as such, and in spite of the halakhic prohibitions, same-sex relations will occur. We have been witness in the last few years to families with parents of the same sex raising children. In spite of the halakhic implication, we would urge these parents to raise their children, to the best of their ability, in a Torah observant manner.

5. We encourage all Jews to fulfill the obligation of praying b'tzibbur, and as such we ask that synagogues and institutions make all Jews welcome, regardless of their sexual orientation. We encourage all Jews to strive for a Torah observant life and so, we encourage homosexuals who grew up in an observant home, or who are trying to become more observant, in spite of the perceived obstacles, to continue in their efforts to live life as a Torah observant Jew. We would ask all synagogues and minyanim to accord everyone the same rights and honors, regardless. There have been too many situations, over the last few years, where persons have been accorded the highest honors and rights, only to have been found guilty of any number of wrongdoings.

6. Humankind was created "in the image of G-d". We are not worthy to question why Hashem created people in a certain way. We must always remember that everyone is a unique creation and everyone should be treated as hashem would want them to be treated.

Be well.

Saul David





Tuesday, July 27, 2010

"The ignorance, neglect, or contempt of the rights of man are the sole cause of public calamities..."The Declaration of the Rights of Man" 1789.

While I commend the rabbis who signed the Statement for doing so, the more I read the statement, the more I have problems with it.

Bear in mind that my perspective is as a parent of a child who is gay.

Allow me to break it down.......

We, the undersigned Orthodox rabbis, rashei yeshiva, ramim, Jewish educators and communal leaders affirm the following principles with regard to the place of Jews with a homosexual orientation in our community:

1. All human beings are created in the image of God and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect (kevod haberiyot). Every Jew is obligated to fulfill the entire range of mitzvot between person and person in relation to persons who are homosexual or have feelings of same sex attraction. Embarrassing, harassing or demeaning someone with a homosexual orientation or same-sex attraction is a violation of Torah prohibitions that embody the deepest values of Judaism.

This is a fine preamble along the lines of the Declaration of Independence and The Declaration of the Rights of Man, both composed in the late 1700s. It is always good to begin a statement in broad, glowing terms.

2. The question of whether sexual orientation is primarily genetic, or rather environmentally generated, is irrelevant to our obligation to treat human beings with same-sex attractions and orientations with dignity and respect.

I question why this had to be inserted at all, but it becomes more clear a few points later on.

3. Halakhah sees heterosexual marriage as the ideal model and sole legitimate outlet for human sexual expression. The sensitivity and understanding we properly express for human beings with other sexual orientations does not diminish our commitment to that principle.

With this point, the rabbis are making it clear exactly where they stand.

4. Halakhic Judaism views all male and female same-sex sexual interactions as prohibited. The question of whether sexual orientation is primarily genetic, or rather environmentally generated, is irrelevant to this prohibition. While halakha categorizes various homosexual acts with different degrees of severity and opprobrium, including toeivah, this does not in any way imply that lesser acts are permitted. But it is critical to emphasize that halakha only prohibits homosexual acts; it does not prohibit orientation or feelings of same-sex attraction, and nothing in the Torah devalues the human beings who struggle with them. (We do not here address the issue of hirhurei aveirah, a halakhic category that goes beyond mere feelings and applies to all forms of sexuality and requires precise halakhic definition.)

Once again the question of whether or not sexual orientation is genetic is raised again.

Back in January, NoPeanuts made the following comment:


The thing that these Rosh Yeshivahs, particularly Twersky keep talking about is that the issues surrounding homosexuality, particularly its origins and transitionality are an ongoing debate in the medical community, very much up in the air.

I have never heard this from a certified healthcare professional.

5. Whatever the origin or cause of homosexual orientation, many individuals believe that for most people this orientation cannot be changed. Others believe that for most people it is a matter of free will. Similarly, while some mental health professionals and rabbis in the community strongly believe in the efficacy of “change therapies”, most of the mental health community, many rabbis, and most people with a homosexual orientation feel that some of these therapies are either ineffective or potentially damaging psychologically for many patients.

We affirm the religious right of those with a homosexual orientation to reject
therapeutic approaches they reasonably see as useless or dangerous.

Again, the issue is raised. But this time there is a discussion of the "efficacy" of "change therapies". In spite of the affirmation that homosexuals have a "right" to reject "therapeutic approaches they reasonably see as useless or dangerous". This is not an unequivocal statement. This affirmation does not recognize the declaration made by the American Psychiatric Association that reparative therapy does not work.

There seems to be "a reasonable doubt" casting a shadow over this statement. There is a disproportionate amount of discussion around genetic causes and choice.

6. Jews with a homosexual orientation who live in the Orthodox community confront serious emotional, communal and psychological challenges that cause them and their families great pain and suffering. For example, homosexual orientation may greatly increase the risk of suicide among teenagers in our community. Rabbis and communities need to be sensitive and empathetic to that reality. Rabbis and mental health professionals must provide responsible and ethical assistance to congregants and clients dealing with those human challenges.

Thank you for that.

7. Jews struggling to live their lives in accordance with halakhic values need and deserve our support. Accordingly, we believe that the decision as to whether to be open about one's sexual orientation should be left to such individuals, who should consider their own needs and those of the community. We are opposed on ethical and moral grounds to both the “outing” of individuals who want to remain private and to coercing those who desire to be open about their orientation to keep it hidden.

Again, thank you for this point.

8. Accordingly, Jews with homosexual orientations or same sex-attractions should be welcomed as full members of the synagogue and school community. As appropriate with regard to gender and lineage, they should participate and count ritually, be eligible for ritual synagogue honors, and generally be treated in the same fashion and under the same halakhic and hashkafic framework as any other member of the synagogue they join. Conversely, they must accept and fulfill all the responsibilities of such membership, including those generated by communal norms or broad Jewish principles that go beyond formal halakhah.

We do not here address what synagogues should do about accepting members
who are openly practicing homosexuals and/or living with a same-sex partner.
Each synagogue together with its rabbi must establish its own standard with
regard to membership for open violators of halakha.
Those standards should be applied fairly and objectively.

I can live with this point.

9. Halakha articulates very exacting criteria and standards of eligibility for particular religious offices, such as officially appointed cantor during the year or baal tefillah on the High Holidays. Among the most important of those criteria is that the entire congregation must be fully comfortable with having that person serve as its representative. This legitimately prevents even the most admirable individuals, who are otherwise perfectly fit halakhically, from serving in those roles. It is the responsibility of the lay and rabbinic leadership in each individual community to determine eligibility for those offices in line with those principles, the importance of maintaining communal harmony, and the unique context of its community culture.

It goes without saying that any baal tefillah should live up to a high standard. However, there is a political reality to every organization and this usually manifests itself in that any minority, including a sexual minority, will more often than not, not find a place there.

10. Jews with a homosexual orientation or same sex attraction, even if they engage in same sex interactions, should be encouraged to fulfill mitzvot to the best of their ability. All Jews are challenged to fulfill mitzvot to the best of their ability, and the attitude of “all or nothing” was not the traditional approach adopted by the majority of halakhic thinkers and poskim throughout the ages.

The "all or nothing" attitude does not stem from the homosexual but it comes as a result of his or her rejection from the Orthodox Jewish community.

11. Halakhic Judaism cannot give its blessing and imprimatur to Jewish religious
same-sex commitment ceremonies and weddings, and halakhic values proscribe individuals and communities from encouraging practices that grant religious legitimacy to gay marriage and couplehood. But communities should display sensitivity, acceptance and full embrace of the adopted or biological children of homosexually active Jews in the synagogue and school setting, and we encourage parents and family of homosexually partnered Jews to make every effort to maintain harmonious family relations and connections.

This sounds like the statement is advocating celibacy and a life without intimacy.

12. Jews who have an exclusively homosexual orientation should, under most circumstances, not be encouraged to marry someone of the other gender, as
this can lead to great tragedy, unrequited love, shame, dishonesty and ruined
lives. They should be directed to contribute to Jewish and general society in
other meaningful ways. Any such person who is planning to marry someone of
the opposite gender is halakhically and ethically required to fully inform their
potential spouse of their sexual orientation.

This is the one case where a person should be "outed" to protect the other party.

To sum up, in spite of their best efforts, this statement is lacking.

At first glance, I liked the statement and I was glad it was written, but after a second reading, I had issues with it. It loses its lustre and it does not go far enough. Had it been written as soon as possible after the symposium and after the nasty remarks by the Rabbeim, then it would have had more of a meaning and more of an impact.

By the third reading it seems apologetic and uncertain.

It is clear that they have not come to terms with the fact that homosexuality is not a choice.

More to come....

Be well.

Saul David







Monday, July 26, 2010

Dairy Equipment and the Statement of Principles on the Place of Jews with a Homosexual Orientation in Our Community

While I commend those rabbis who have finally taken a stand by signing this Statement of Principles, the Statement reminds me of the kashruth label that has been added to packages over the last several years with the symbol "DE", signifying dairy equipment. Does this label on the package mean that the product is dairy? Or is it pareve? Can I eat it with meat? How long must I wait?

It leaves more questions unanswered and it doesn't really address the issue fully, completely and unequivocally.

It's not quite pareve, but neither is it milchig or fleishig.

In spite of the issue, it should be relatively easy for the rabbis to tackle. According to my son and his friends at JQYouth, all they want is to be included and recognized as members of Clal Yisroel, without bias or discrimination.

This should have been an easy issue to address, yet it took six months to publish and it involved hundreds of emails to reach a consensus.

I wouldn't be proud of such a feat. It took the rashei yeshiva of YU less than 24 hours to make a statement condemning the symposium and it took Rabbi Twerski less than a week to appear on YouTube after the symposium. But it took 6 months for these rabbis to respond!

What we got was a label that expressed its kashruth, but it remains muddy and unclear.

Too little and too late.

It is quite clear how Rabbi Twerski holds.

I'm really not so sure about the signatories.

Be well and keep on supporting your children. We're the only ones they can truly trust.

Saul David

Sunday, July 25, 2010

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." Sir Isaac Newton

It has been exactly six months since four brave young men spoke at Yeshiva University "On Being Gay in the Modern Orthodox World." Within a day after that event the Rashei Yeshiva of YU came out (no pun intended) and vilified the school and the speakers for holding this symposium. A few days later, Rabbi Twersky spoke in an even more disturbing manner about the symposium.

Six months later, apparently after months and months of discussion and and hundreds of pages of shared emails, a group of rabbis have issued a statement relating to the issue of homosexuality in the Orthodox world.

What follows is their statement.

I reserve judgment and comments on this for a later date.

Be well.

SD

Thursday, July 22, 2010

For the last six months a number of Orthodox rabbis and educators have been preparing a statement of principles on the place of our brothers and sisters in our community who have a homosexual orientation.

The original draft was prepared by Rabbi Nathaniel Helfgot. It was then commented upon by and revised based on the input from dozens of talmidei chachamim, educators, communal rabbis, mental health professionals and a number of individuals in our community who are homosexual in orientation.

Significant revisions were made based upon the input of Rabbi Aryeh Klapper and Rabbi Yitzchak Blau who were intimately involved in the process of editing and improving the document during the last three months.

The statement below is a consensus document arrived at after hundreds of hours of discussion,debate and editing. At the bottom, is the initial cohort of signators.

If you are an Orthodox rabbi, educator, or mental health professional and would like to add your signature to the current list, please send a short e-mail to:
statementnya@hotmail.com with your name, address, cell phone number, and professional affiliation.




Statement of Principles on the Place of Jews with a
Homosexual Orientation in Our Community

We, the undersigned Orthodox rabbis, rashei yeshiva, ramim, Jewish educators and communal leaders affirm the following principles with regard to the place of Jews with a homosexual orientation in our community:

1. All human beings are created in the image of God and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect (kevod haberiyot). Every Jew is obligated to fulfill the entire range of mitzvot between person and person in relation to persons who are homosexual or have feelings of same sex attraction. Embarrassing, harassing or demeaning someone with a homosexual orientation or same-sex attraction is a violation of Torah prohibitions that embody the deepest values of Judaism.

2. The question of whether sexual orientation is primarily genetic, or rather environmentally generated, is irrelevant to our obligation to treat human beings with same-sex attractions and orientations with dignity and respect.

3. Halakhah sees heterosexual marriage as the ideal model and sole legitimate outlet for human sexual expression. The sensitivity and understanding we properly express for human beings with other sexual orientations does not diminish our commitment to that principle.

4. Halakhic Judaism views all male and female same-sex sexual interactions as prohibited. The question of whether sexual orientation is primarily genetic, or rather environmentally generated, is irrelevant to this prohibition. While halakha categorizes various homosexual acts with different degrees of severity and opprobrium, including toeivah, this does not in any way imply that lesser acts are permitted. But it is critical to emphasize that halakha only prohibits homosexual acts; it does not prohibit orientation or feelings of same-sex attraction, and nothing in the Torah devalues the human beings who struggle with them. (We do not here address the issue of hirhurei aveirah, a halakhic category that goes beyond mere feelings and applies to all forms of sexuality and requires precise halakhic definition.)

5. Whatever the origin or cause of homosexual orientation, many individuals believe that for most people this orientation cannot be changed. Others believe that for most people it is a matter of free will. Similarly, while some mental health professionals and rabbis in the community strongly believe in the efficacy of “change therapies”, most of the mental health community, many rabbis, and most people with a homosexual orientation feel that some of these therapies are either ineffective or potentially damaging psychologically for many patients.

We affirm the religious right of those with a homosexual orientation to reject
therapeutic approaches they reasonably see as useless or dangerous.

6. Jews with a homosexual orientation who live in the Orthodox community confront serious emotional, communal and psychological challenges that cause them and their families great pain and suffering. For example, homosexual orientation may greatly increase the risk of suicide among teenagers in our community. Rabbis and communities need to be sensitive and empathetic to that reality. Rabbis and mental health professionals must provide responsible and ethical assistance to congregants and clients dealing with those human challenges.

7. Jews struggling to live their lives in accordance with halakhic values need and deserve our support. Accordingly, we believe that the decision as to whether to be open about one's sexual orientation should be left to such individuals, who should consider their own needs and those of the community. We are opposed on ethical and moral grounds to both the “outing” of individuals who want to remain private and to coercing those who desire to be open about their orientation to keep it hidden.

8. Accordingly, Jews with homosexual orientations or same sex-attractions should be welcomed as full members of the synagogue and school community. As appropriate with regard to gender and lineage, they should participate and count ritually, be eligible for ritual synagogue honors, and generally be treated in the same fashion and under the same halakhic and hashkafic framework as any other member of the synagogue they join. Conversely, they must accept and fulfill all the responsibilities of such membership, including those generated by communal norms or broad Jewish principles that go beyond formal halakhah.

We do not here address what synagogues should do about accepting members
who are openly practicing homosexuals and/or living with a same-sex partner.
Each synagogue together with its rabbi must establish its own standard with
regard to membership for open violators of halakha.
Those standards should be applied fairly and objectively.


9. Halakha articulates very exacting criteria and standards of eligibility for particular religious offices, such as officially appointed cantor during the year or baal tefillah on the High Holidays. Among the most important of those criteria is that the entire congregation must be fully comfortable with having that person serve as its representative. This legitimately prevents even the most admirable individuals, who are otherwise perfectly fit halakhically, from serving in those roles. It is the responsibility of the lay and rabbinic leadership in each individual community to determine eligibility for those offices in line with those principles, the importance of maintaining communal harmony, and the unique context of its community culture.

10. Jews with a homosexual orientation or same sex attraction, even if they engage in same sex interactions, should be encouraged to fulfill mitzvot to the best of their ability. All Jews are challenged to fulfill mitzvot to the best of their ability, and the attitude of “all or nothing” was not the traditional approach adopted by the majority of halakhic thinkers and poskim throughout the ages.

11. Halakhic Judaism cannot give its blessing and imprimatur to Jewish religious
same-sex commitment ceremonies and weddings, and halakhic values proscribe individuals and communities from encouraging practices that grant religious legitimacy to gay marriage and couplehood. But communities should display sensitivity, acceptance and full embrace of the adopted or biological children of homosexually active Jews in the synagogue and school setting, and we encourage parents and family of homosexually partnered Jews to make every effort to maintain harmonious family relations and connections.

12. Jews who have an exclusively homosexual orientation should, under most circumstances, not be encouraged to marry someone of the other gender, as
this can lead to great tragedy, unrequited love, shame, dishonesty and ruined
lives. They should be directed to contribute to Jewish and general society in
other meaningful ways. Any such person who is planning to marry someone of
the opposite gender is halakhically and ethically required to fully inform their
potential spouse of their sexual orientation.


We hope and pray that by sharing these thoughts we will help the Orthodox
community to fully live out its commitment to the principles and values of
Torah and Halakha as practiced and cherished by the children of Abraham, who
our sages teach us are recognized by the qualities of being rahamanim
(merciful), bayshanim (modest), and gomelei hasadim
engaging in acts of loving-kindness).



(as of 7/25/10)
Rabbi Yosef Adler
Rabbi Joshua Amaru
Rabbi Elisha Anscelovits
Rabbi Hayyim Angel
Rabbi Marc Angel
Rabbi Maurice Appelbaum
Mrs. Nechama Goldman Barash
Rabbi Avi Baumol
Rabbi Benjamin Berger
Rabbi Dr. Shalom Berger
Rabbi Dr. Joshua Berman
Rabbi Todd Berman
Rabbi Yonah Berman
Dr. David Bernstein
Rabbi David Bigman
Rabbi Yitzchak Blau
Rabbi Nasanayl Braun
Dr. Erica Brown
Rabbi Yuval Cherlow
Dr. Aubie Diamond
Ms. Yael Diamond
Rabbi Mark Dratch
Rabbi Ira Ebbin
Rabbi Rafi Eis
Mrs. Atara Eis
Mrts. Elan Sober Elzufon
Rabbi Yitzhak Etshalom
Rabbi Dr. Shaul (Seth) Farber
Ms. Rachel Feingold
Rabbi Yoel Finkelman
Rabbi Jeffrey Fox
Rabbi Aaron Frank
Rabbi Aharon Frazier
Rabbi Avidan Freedman
Rabbi Shmuel Goldin
Rabbi Mark Gottlieb
Rabbi Barry Gelman
Rabbi Uri Goldstein
Rabbi Benjamin Greenberg
Rabbi Zvi Grumet
Rabbi Alan Haber
Dr. Aviad Hacohen
Rabbi Tully Harcsztark
Rabbi Nathaniel Helfgot
Rabbi Josh Hess
Dr. Daniel Kahn
Rabbi Yosef Kanefsky
Rabbi Jay Kellman
Rabbi Aryeh Klapper
Mrs. Judy Klitsner
Rabbi Shmuel Klitsner
Rabbi Jeff Kobrin
Dr. Aaron Koller
Rabbi Barry Kornblau
Dr. Meesh Hammer Kossoy
Rabbi Binny Krauss
Mrs. Esther Krauss
Rabbi Dr. Benny Lau
Rabbi Zvi Leshem
Rabbi Daniel Levitt
Rabbi Norman Linzer
Rabbi Dr. Martin Lockshin
Rabbi Dr. Haskel Lookstein
Rabbi Asher Lopatin
Rabbi Chaim Marder
Rabbi Joshua Maroof
Rabbi Dr. Adam Mintz
Rabbi Jonathan Morgenstern
Rabbi Dr. Yaacov Nagen (Genack)
Mrs. C.B. Neugroschl
Rabbi Yossi Pollak
Dr. Caroline Pyser
Rabbi Daniel Reifman
Rabbi Avi Robinson
Rabbi Chaim Sacknovitz
Rabbi Noam Shapiro
Rabbi Yehuda Seif
Rabbi Murray Schaum
Rabbi Hanan Schlesinger
Rabbi Adam Schier
Ms. Lisa Schlaff
Rabbi Yehuda Septimus
Rabbi Yair Silverman
Rabbi Jeremy Stavitsky
Rabbi Adam Starr
Rabbi Chaim Strauchler
Rabbi Yehuda Sussman
Rabbi Joel Tessler
Rabbi Mordechai Torczyner
Rabbi Jacob Traub
Rabbi Zach Truboff
Mrs. Dara Unterberg
Rabbi Michael Unterberg
Rabbi Dr. Avie Walfish
Dr. Dina Weiner
Rabbi Ezra Weiner
Ms. Sara Weinerman
Rabbi David Wolkenfeld
Rabbi Elie Weinstock
Rabbi Shmuly Yanklowitz
Rabbi Alan Yuter
Rabbi Josh Yuter
Dr. Yael Ziegler
Rabbi Dr. Stuart Zweiter