Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Searching for Answers

Our son does not live in the same city that we do, so after the first two days of Sukkoth were over, he returned to his home and my wife and I were left searching, questioning, wondering if this was real or a dream.

Who could we turn to? Who could we trust? Who could guide us? Who had answers? Is there an organization that caters to the Jewish community? Is there a self-help group that can guide us through these times and answer our questions?

The only organization that I could find was PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays). But this is an international group that is primarily non-denominational.

In terms of Orthodox Judaism and homosexuality I came up short. The only link that I could find was the work done by Rabbi Steven Greenberg. I found his email address at CLAL, the organization where he works. I wrote him, asking him some questions, but I did not get a reply. I assumed that because it was Chol Ha-Moed he might be away and not answering his emails.

So many questions. No place to turn.

My wife and I would lie awake and relive our life with our child from childbirth to this day, wondering how we missed the signs and signals. Many nights I cried myself to sleep with such a deep sorrow that our son had to suffer by himself. For how many years did he live in turmoil and question his self-worth, his religiousity, the acceptance or rejection by his parents, siblings, friends. If he would have been physically ill, we would have been by his side, helping him get through his ailment.

But we were not there for him when he needed us the most.


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