Thursday, September 20, 2012

"Dad, I'm really ok with it."

Last Friday night my son and I attended a shalom zachar.   We were leaving the home of the baal simchah at the very same time that the Rav of our shul was also exiting.  I introduced my son to the rabbi, who has only been in this position for less than a year and had never met my son.  They talked a bit.  The rabbi asked what my son is doing with his life.  After a few other pointed questions, the rabbi asked my son if he is married. The rabbi knows that we have a son who is gay.  We had spoken to him about our familial situation when he took on this position in our community.

When my son replied that he is not married, the rabbi told him that he would work towards finding him a b'shert in the city where my son is working, as he knows some young women there.  I was standing about five feet away.  My son glanced at me and smiled respectfully to the rabbi.  We bade farewell and left the house.

As we were walking home in the darkness, my son said to me, "I thought he knew."  I replied, "so did I."

We continued our walk a bit further and my son said to me, "Dad, I'm really ok with it, but are you?"

We walked home in silence.

Saul David


Anonymous said...

Wonderful blog. keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if the new Rabbi has met so many people, he forgot?

Who are the orthodox pulpit rabbis or orthodox leaders in North America who seem to have a good understanding of the issues of the gay community?

Saul David said...

Dear Anonymous,

To answer your first question, perhaps you are correct, maybe he did forget. Nevertheless, the emotions are still real and raw.

To answer your second question, there are a few rabbis who do seem to have a a good understanding of the issues of the gay community. A few years ago I forwarded this blog to about 25 rabbis who I thought would be interested in this issue. I received a response from 2 rabbis, both from the same city. I would not publish anyone's name hear, but I would be glad to offer you some names if you would email me at


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Anonymous said...

Dear SD sir,

I discovered your blog purely by accident, and I have to say that I really respect you for doing so much for your son. I'm 21 this year, and I'm a gay son too, of parents just like you who have had to learn how to accept something they never thought would come their way.

I know it's never an easy thing to do, and I can see it in the pain and anguish that lies deep beneath many of your earlier posts. It's definitely not something you would wish on anyone, and I agree - when I was younger I really had trouble accepting myself.

But you have handled it with grace, love and trust in God, and I don't know about your son, but to have parents who have been able to do that for me makes me feel immensely privileged and accepted.

Thank you for having the courage to share your story, and I hope that other parents will be just like you - brave, accepting and loving. :) May God be with you always!

Saul David said...

Thank you.


Robin H. Kohen said...

Dear Saul David and readers,

We are producing a book called Homosexuality in Halacha: It is not that simple. You may find us at:


Robin H. Kohen

therapydoc said...

I was cleaning out my blog roll, a disgusting job, and lo and behold, found you again! I see you haven't been writing, but I'm hoping that changes. The rabbis haven't been too kind on this subject, and it frustrates me quite a bit. Ma she lo asah ha saichel, asah ha zman. What the intellect cannot accomplish, time can.

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I would like to contact you by mail as I need your advice please let me know how

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